I'm not for you

I wish I was, but I'm not for you. Maybe if a was taller. Maybe if I was handsome. Maybe if my skin was white and perfect and I wasn't psoriatic. Maybe if my hair wasn't an indomitable mess.Maybe if my clothes were chosen wisely, or at least fixed to fit me. Maybe if I had an old leather jacket and a pair of slim fitted black jeans and sunglasses. Maybe if I had an exquisit taste in music, focused in obscure unknown bands from the 60s and new wave artists from the 80s. Maybe if I had a tattoo with a story behind it. Maybe if I had tales about escaping home to smoke cigarrettes in a dark alley. Maybe if I wasn't scared of motorcycles. Maybe if I was a drummer. Maybe if I had bigger hands. Maybe if I had a lovely smile. Maybe if I was completely focused on you and remembered every single word you've ever told me. Or maybe if I was an asshole who didn't give a fuck about your problems and played it all cool, unreachable and mysterious with you. Maybe if I knew a lot about fancy cocktails

But I'm not. I'm not that kind of guy. I've tried.

Believe me, I've tried.

I've tried to learn new things, to be socially better, to choose wisely my words, to be open to new things, to be taller by using slim pants and fitted shirts, to learn smart jokes, to eat spicy things. And it's been nice to have learned all of those things. Because of that I'm now a better man.

It was a fun ride, but I didn't make it to the final destination.

I'm just a simple kind of guy, whose favorite Beatle is Ringo, the funny one. A guy who likes ham and cheese pizza. A guy who likes old Steve Martin movies and explosions and tits and fart jokes. A guy who thinks you're the greatest thing he's ever seen in this world. And believe me, I've seen a couple things. I've seen the Eiffel tower and Iguazu falls. And I've seen The White Stripes live. And though that was cool, those things are not as cool as sitting on a bench eating ice cream with you.

Go on. Find that awesome super guy. You deserve him. You deserve the Clooneys, the Pitts, the Hinces, and all the cool guys of this world.

Don't worry about me. This is not the first time that this happens, and it won't be the last. I'll be fine. I'll always be fine.